geez

It's Sunday night and a full week of school is staring me in the face.  I feel like I'm treading water on the surface and really doing a good job of it, but the depths are so raging below me...can it be that I just see the smooth surface?  Or is the smooth surface all there is?  I am truly enjoying every day that I wake up, every chance I get to see the things I see...with a little gulp and sip in of air thinking that maybe, just maybe, this will be the last day that things are like this:  happy and calm.  I wish that calm didn't depend so much on the man who I have come to rely on so much--Brian is amazing and is the anchor that holds everything down.  I wish I didn't feel as though if something happened to him, the whole ship would float away.  Maybe I'm stronger than I think, I don't know.  I don't want to know.  Not really.  Nope.  Not really.  I just want him to be here. 
On a lighter note, Mary Poppins was a pretty big disappointment.  Splashy, glitzy and high-budget Disney stuff.  Not any real substance that I saw at all.  Poop on the fact that Mrs. Banks was turned into a vanilla ice cream cone with no sprinkles at all.  Boring!  I LOVED the quirky movie character, but she was sand-blasted away, down to an almost faceless human being.  Poo on Disney!!  Even Mary Poppins didn't seem like the star of the show, but I couldn't really tell who was.  For $85, I wanted to be MOVED in some way.  At least I had a date with my man.
I love my kids.  LOVE them.  LOOOOOOVE them.  I want to be a better mom.  I will.  Tomorrow.
Good night, blog.   xoxox   Me